No, everything is going to be indescribably fantastic.

Maybe even perfect.

• Having tests at the doctors to decide whether I have ‘just a bug’, a hernia or a stomach ulcer.

• Having to go to the dentist and explain that my jaw is worse and my gums will not stop bleeding.

• The fact that it is soon the end of the month and what happens in the next few days defines what happens this summer and maybe continuing.to next year. This includes Adam’s interview tomorrow and me frantically job hunting.

• Not finding a job and running out of money like i did last summer.

• Not passing the year because I just dont feel good enough.

• Becoming entangled in self-destructive thoughts again and making everyone around me suffer in the process.

• Feeling as though I can’t call anyone about any of this because everything’s so weird with everyone lately.

Please please please don’t let everything fall apart.