All I want right now is a phone call about nothing with someone I love. A pointless conversation that isn’t really pointless because all you actually want to do is be near them. And if I’m being truthful, I don’t want the conversation to be pointless at all. I want to have a truly deep honest conversation about thoughts and feelings and wishes and aspirations and fears. Because right now I love my friends and I love my family, but I feel like if you don’t have a conversation like this every now and again with someone then you can’t truly know them. So I feel like they don’t really know me. Then again, do I really know me?
Isn’t it weird how people change and grow apart and stop talking and then one day you see this person who you swore you were going to be friends with forever and you can barely think of a thing to say and then it finally hits you that somewhere along the way your friendship dimmed and you will probably never be close to that person again. I think that’s one of the saddest things I’ve come to terms with lately.
(Source: buried-a-lie, via swinglife-away)
I guess I have just realised how much of a doormat I have been over the past few years. It has destroyed my confidence, my self esteem and even aspects of my personality. I became so much of a doormat I nearly lost what I have worked so hard to achieve. I need to stop believing what people tell me I can do, and who I am, because at the end of the day it is nobody’s decision but my own. And I know what I can do, and I know who I am.
On that note I would like to say ‘suck it’ to the teacher who told me I couldn’t do anything right, who ripped me to shreds and almost failed me. Who took my confidence away and made me question my career, who made me have a meltdown and quit uni. Because I retook my placement, and I’m now on the highest grade possible in all aspects of my teaching. And I am back, completing my final year on time as planned.
The icing on the cake? She is now blacklisted for being unprofessional, un-supportive and generally taking advantage of students and using them as subs. So I guess I can teach after all. Bitch.